January's Letter | Letter One: God Didn’t Ask You to Be Nice
- nicole garner
- Dec 29, 2025
- 4 min read
Welcome to Tales of Green & Faithful Musings — monthly reflections on creativity, faith, slow living, and the quiet work of becoming. This month’s letter explores what a week of sanding a table revealed about intuition, craft, and the grace that shapes us.
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God Didn’t Ask You to Be Nice, He asked you to be Kind
What does it really mean to be kind?
I saw a post recently: “In a world where you can be anything, be kind.”
And whilst I think it’s a great message, and the way we should live, too often I think we, and by we, I also mean me, conflate kindness with niceness. In healing, I realise they aren't the same.
One seeks out the good of me, the other, the good of others.
Now, you may be thinking: I always put everyone else first— why can I never be put first?
I say this with kindness: that logic is flawed. It conflates sacrifice with selflessness. And they aren't the same either.
To understand this better, we must look at what good means; because kindness, niceness, sacrifice and selflessness are all tend to fall under the banner of good.
We think being good means, not upsetting anyone, bending over backwards for others, or pretending everything is fine to keep the peace...you see where I'm going here. But these aren’t descriptions of good, but descriptions of survival—survival mainly rooted in shame, fear of rejection, and a deep desire for connection.
So, what does good really mean? I'm sure there are many other descriptions, but simply put, good is rooted in motivation, not just what you do, but why you do it. It’s not acts in silo, but your heart’s posture when doing them. It is doing right by God, because we love Him.
The motivation for niceness is often to protect you.
The motivation for kindness is to help others.
When you are moved to act consciously, or subconsciously out of self-defence, shame of judgment, fear of rejection, or for social/moral gain, you are likely being nice.
Niceness isn't so nice at all; it is fabricated protection.
When you are moved to act in honesty, reflecting the light of God, to the betterment of another’s soul, you are likely being kind. You see, it's about nurturing their heart, their morality, not for you escape social judgement, or rejection.
To be kind to others starts with being kind to yourself.
If you constantly shame yourself into doing things, but on the outside constantly bend and contort yourself, your values, your wellbeing for others; feel like no one is looking out for you (even if they are); give 'your all' to make others happy; accompanied by a silent bubbling resentment, I'm sorry to say you are operating out of niceness.
It does nothing for your soul, or morality.
And it does even less for others.
Especially if you are avoiding addressing your feelings, pushing them down to “serve” others.
Being kind to yourself means being aware of your flaws, but also your strengths.
You can't be good at everything, for everyone.
But you can, lean on the grace of God, and ask for His strength to fill you.
You can't be good at everything, but He can!
Allow the light of God to fill your heart.
Speak to yourself kindly, be honest, in ways that are for the betterment of your soul; your spirit. If you are unsure, think back to the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
Try not to fall into the hole I just did; thinking I could ‘will’ myself into doing these things and change overnight. I hate to break it to you, but it is a process—one that might take your longer than you want. It isn’t just something you can understand in your mind, but something to be embodied—head and heart working together in unison.
If, like me, you've been operating out of niceness for most of your life, you have to understand, that it will take you time. It will take you time to leave the mindset of trying to do it all on your own, and start bearing fruit.
That should be seen as a pro, not a con, because patience and faithfulness are also being exercised here. The fruits of the Spirit aren’t just for others to enjoy, they are for you to give yourself.
Only when you love yourself well, can you love others as yourself well.
Only when you are kind and patient with yourself, can you extend that to others.
As these are fruit of the Spirit of God...you kinda need His help here.
And though it may feel excruciatingly slow, but it's progress.
It'll be clunky at first, but with your motivation corrected it'll be easier for you to own your mistakes, say, "I got that wrong — I'm sorry,” learn from it, and grow.
We are all works in progress. The key, and the focus isn’t perfection, it’s your motivation, your heart posture—are you acting out of light or fear?
And that’s something only you and God can discern together.
yours faithfully,
nicole garner
Thank you for reading this month’s reflection from Tales of Green & Faithful Musings. If this message spoke to you, feel free to share it with someone who needs a reminder that God didn’t ask you to be nice, His love is patient, gentle, and kind—especially to us.
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